Is Therapy All About My Mom?
/A question we hear all the time... is therapy going to be all about my mom? Our answer: only if you want it to be.
Historically, psychologists have zeroed in on moms as key figures in a child’s development. Many modern psychologists would agree that our early relationships with our primary caregivers, regardless of gender, have a major impact on us throughout our lives. How that belief is actually addressed in the therapy room varies across different types of therapies. Not all therapists believe it is necessary to explore early experiences in therapy. Some choose to stay focused on the present symptoms and strategies to improve current functioning, while others find it important to tie in the roots of childhood.
The reality is that while your therapist may have certain ideas about what’s important to discuss, you’re largely in control of the focus of your therapy. Some clients love making deep emotional connections to the past while others prefer to appreciate its impact without dredging up past experiences. This is a matter of therapeutic fit and is something you can specifically inquire about with your therapist.
One caveat: Ask yourself WHY you’re asking whether therapy will focus on your parents in the first place. Are you in touch with why you may be opposed to doing so? Some degree of resistance to speaking about parents in therapy is very common. Initially, people often feel protective of their parents, or want to be sure they are presenting a “balanced” or “accurate" picture to their therapist. It is important to remember that the point of exploring your relationships with your parents is NOT to point out what they did “wrong.”
Outside of explicit abuse, there are no right or wrongs in parenting. The purpose is to better understand how your interactions with your parents, positive, negative, and neutral, may have shaped you in the present day.
Often, the topics we have some resistance to discussing and exploring in therapy can be the most fruitful. However, the choice of whether to explore your relationship with your parents is up to you. We won’t tell you what to do, after all, we’re not your mom.
The best way to see if a therapist is a match for you is to schedule a consultation. To see if you match with a therapist at our group, click here to schedule your free consultation today!