Anger

If you take a poll and ask people which emotion they would least like to feel, chances are that most people would say anger. Anger tends to get a bad rap because the action urges associated with it (yelling and fighting) tend to be frowned upon by society. However, anger, like all emotions, serves an important function. Anger is a signal to ourselves that something is off, something is bothering us, and that we should slow down and take stock of what set it off. 

Often, the problem isn’t with the feeling of anger itself, but how we respond to it. Although we all feel anger from time to time, we have different ways of expressing it. Some people shy away from anger and keep it under lock and key, while others get lost in it and act in ways that they later regret. Developing the skill of being able to recognize and feel anger without being compelled to act on it can allow you to use it as a helpful signal.Let’s think about it this way: There are times where acting on anger urges is effective and times when acting on your anger urges is not. For instance, if you’re being physically attacked, anger would motivate you to fight for your safety. However, if you’re being robbed, anger may encourage you to fight when it might be safer to hand over your belongings to get the attacker to leave. Anger is a justified feeling in both of these situations that prepares us for action, however, to handle both situations effectively requires you to be aware of your anger and in control of your behavior. 

Here are some common experiences that set off the feeling of anger:

• Having an important goal blocked or being prevented from doing something that you wanted to do. 

• Feeling threatened, insulted, or being attacked. 

• Having somebody you care about threatened, insulted, or attacked. 

• Being in physical or emotional pain. 

Regardless of the situation, anger is a clear signal that we can benefit from being curious about our experience.⁠ Looking inside isn’t easy, but helps us learn more about what we need in a given moment. The next time you are angry, practice simply noticing the emotion and rather than acting on it or shutting it down, be curious. Ask yourself whether the above situations prompted what you are feeling, or whether there is something else going on. This gives you space to decide how you want to respond to your anger rather than feeling controlled by it. Although anger may never be your favorite emotion, once you start to view it as a helpful indicator of your needs rather than a destructive urge, you may find that it is quite useful after all. 

If you are interested in exploring your anger, contact us here and we can set you up with one of our therapists.