Practical Techniques to Help You Handle Criticism
/It is very common for people to have strong emotional reactions to perceived criticism. This is because criticism often triggers an underlying negative narrative or belief we hold about ourselves, which can provoke the experience of shame. When we receive criticism that touches on a negative belief we have about ourselves or something that we hold shame around, it can feel like that feedback is proving that there is something inherently wrong with us as a person, instead of serving as a piece of feedback about our performance.
Here are some practical steps for somebody to take immediately after receiving criticism, in order to stay regulated:
Attending to our bodies is often the quickest and most effective way to regulate our emotions. By helping our bodies to relax, we are telling our brains that we are no longer in fight or flight mode.
4-7-8 breathing technique: The 4-7-8 technique works by regulating your breathing back to a relaxed rhythmic pattern, helping to address the hyperventilation that can accompany anxiety
Exhale all the air out of your lungs through your mouth by pursing your lips and forcing air through the opening of your mouth (this should make a “whoosh” sound).
Next, take a deep breath in through the nose for four seconds.
Count slowly and make sure that your stomach is rising.
Hold your breath for seven seconds.
After the hold, exhale through pursed lips again, making a “whoosh” sound for eight seconds*.
Adjust times as needed, just ensure your exhale is longer than your inhale.
Repeat at least three times, or as many times as you need to feel a sense of calm and relaxation.
5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique: The goal is to utilize your five senses to ground yourself to the present moment.
Take your time to name five things you can see, four things you can feel or touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Repeat these steps as many times as you need to feel yourself coming back to the present, and out of fight or flight mode.
If using all five senses feels overwhelming, you can also just stick with one of your senses and continue naming what you notice until you find yourself moving out of fight or flight mode.
Body Scan: This technique helps to ground us to the present by shifting our attention to our bodies. Our bodies are always residing in the present, whereas our minds can travel between the past, present and future.
Start by taking a few deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Once you feel relaxed and settled into your breath, turn your attention to a part of your body (I like to start from my feet and slowly move up all the way to my head).
If any part of your body is in too much pain or discomfort, please feel free to skip over that part of your body.
As you tune into a part of your body, take note of any sensations you feel with nonjudgmental awareness. Does that part of your body feel hot or cold? Does it tingle, or does it feel tight at all? Or perhaps you notice that there is no feeling at all, which is still an observation.
As you travel to different parts of your body and focus on the sensations, you should notice that you are less focused on your anxious thoughts, and feeling more calm and present.
Although criticism can be painful, it can also provide an opportunity for improvement. When we receive criticism, we may feel shut down and immobilized in the experience of shame, which also shuts down our curiosity. Curiosity is a powerful tool that can move us out of the space of negativity, and into the mindset of agency and empowerment. After using our regulating exercises, we can ask ourselves with genuine curiosity- what is the situation that has resulted in this criticism? How did this situation come to be? Ultimately, what can I do to change the situation moving forward?
Being open to critical feedback to others can be important for our growth. However, it is also important to develop a sense of strength and empowerment within the self in an ongoing way, so that occasional criticism doesn’t fundamentally shift how we view ourselves. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, or as many in the psychology field like to call “growth edges.” Finding a way to love all parts of ourselves, the strong parts and the growth edges, can help us feel whole and capable in the face of criticism.