I’m Queer. Should I see a Queer therapist?

Unfortunately, there are stories abound of Queer people seeking therapy, only to be met with disaffirming care, a lack of relevant knowledge, or even bigotry. These can be traumatizing experiences that discourage people from seeking further help. As a Queer person, it may seem like the only option is to find a Queer therapist, but not every therapist discloses their identities in introductory information. While finding a Queer therapist might be one avenue to feel valued and understood, I’m here to tell you that it’s not the only option and may not even be the best option for you. 

The potential benefits of seeing a Queer therapist as a Queer person include a shared understanding of some cultural ideas or vocabulary, overlapping lived experiences, and the safety of knowing you will receive affirming care. However, when we share identities with one another it is easy to assume that our understandings, vocabularies, experiences, and outlooks will be the same. However, the truth is that we all have slightly different and idiosyncratic relationships to all things Queer. So when you assume your therapist knows what you are talking about, you save yourself some time explaining, but you also lose an opportunity to articulate what living a Queer life means to you. As multidimensional beings, it is highly unlikely that someone who shares a single (or even multiple) identities with you will have had the same experiences and feel the same way about those experiences. Part of the work of therapy is figuring out how to put into words what we think and feel, creating a shared language over the course of treatment. Assumptions about shared understandings may prematurely cut off the work of this articulation. 

There are a few things you can do to make it easier to open up to a new therapist-whether you know their sexual identity or not. As a Queer person, you should consider asking potential therapists the following questions:

• Do you practice Queer-affirming care?

• Do you have experience working with Queer individuals?

• How do you approach work with Queer clients?

Asking these questions provides the therapist with an opportunity to demonstrate their sensitivity and comfort with treating Queer clients and provides a pathway for you as the client to verbalize your version of Queerness in a supportive and non-judgemental space.