Parenting Through Transitions: Supporting Children in Times of Change
/Transitions can be challenging. They tend to stir up feelings of apprehension in children AND their parents. This is especially true when it involves a child's first experience with school or daycare. Parents often find themselves pondering whether their children will adapt smoothly, whether their kids will miss them, if they've made the right choices, and what might be missed or forgotten during the process.
While sometimes transitions unfold more smoothly than expected, occasionally, children and parents grapple with the changes. However, with proper preparation and support, children can navigate these transitions successfully, even when they present challenges.
What Makes Transitions So Hard?
Part of why transitions can be so challenging is because they can be perceived as threats to our attachments to our loved ones. Feeling firmly attached to caregivers is crucial for the psychological safety of a child and anything that appears to distance them from their parents can be seen as a threat. For example, a child may worry about the arrival of a new sibling or the transition to school because they fear that it may affect their bond and time spent with their parents. Parents, too, often experience their own separation anxiety. They grapple with feelings of guilt and uncertainty when leaving their children for the first time, fearing that this distance may jeopardize their connection to their child.
Tips for Smoother Transitions
Rough transitions can be unsettling for everyone involved! Here are some tips to help prepare and make the change, whether it's starting a new school or moving, as smoothly as possible:
Talk, Talk, Talk: Just like adults, children do better and feel more secure when they know what to expect. Try to prepare your child for what's coming. This can be done matter-of-factly or, for younger children, through storytelling involving a fictional character. Sharing a time when you felt similarly and how you got through it can be helpful, as children often see their parents as superheroes. Encourage any questions, even if the reason behind their struggle isn't immediately obvious.
Remind Them of the Bond: Remember that often concerns about transitions are related to attachment. Remind your child that the bond and connection between you remains strong even when you're not present. Some parents create visual reminders, like making bracelets together or drawing hearts on their hands. There are also helpful books, such as "The Invisible String," that reinforce the idea that the child is safe even when they're not with their parents.
Be Patient and Breathe: It's entirely normal for children to experience mixed emotions during transitions. While it might be frustrating when your toddler is still having tantrums after several weeks of drop-offs, remember that there's no set timeline for a perfect transition. Children are more likely to regulate their emotions when they have a calm and validating parent present.
After preparing your children for transitions, offering support in the inevitable challenging moments is crucial. It's akin to being there for your child when they need their favorite stuffed animal – your presence as a reliable parent can make all the difference. Children often possess more resilience than we give them credit for, especially when their parents have equipped them with the right tools.