“Gentle parenting,” a term first coined by Dr. William Sears, a renowned pediatrician, has become an increasingly popular parenting style in recent years. As a new generation of parents seek to do things differently than their parents did, many are turning to methods that are backed by research and have a more child-centered approach.

So what is gentle parenting?

Gentle parenting is a style of parenting that prioritizes empathy, respect, and compassion for children. Instead of using punishment, rewards, or control, gentle parenting seeks to build a strong and loving relationship between parent and child that is built on trust and mutual understanding. This approach is grounded in the idea that children are inherently good and deserving of respect, and that an effective way to raise healthy, happy, and well-adjusted children is through a loving and supportive relationship. Certain techniques that are hallmarks of gentle parenting include:

1. Positive Reinforcement: Rather than punishing a child for misbehavior, gentle parenting focuses on positive reinforcement for good behavior. For example, praising a child for sharing their toys, rather than scolding them for not sharing.

2. Empathy: Gentle parenting prioritizes empathy and understanding for the child's emotions. For example, acknowledging a child's frustration when they can't have a toy they want, rather than dismissing their feelings.

3. Active Listening:  This can involve taking the time to listen to a child’s perspective and working with them to find a solution to the problem. 

4. Respectful Discipline: Redirecting a child’s behavior or setting clear boundaries, rather than punishment or control. 

5. Building Trust: Leaning into tenets of attachment theory, gentle parenting emphasizes the importance of creating an environment where the child feels safe and secure. 

Research suggests that children who are raised with gentle parenting techniques are more likely to develop a stronger sense of self-esteem, better emotional regulation skills, and better relationships with others. 

Are there challenges to practicing  gentle parenting?

Most parents are on board when they hear about the general concepts of gentle parenting. It is usually easy to agree with the idea that a child is inherently good and deserves all the love and empathy in the world. However, when gentle parenting moves from the theoretical to the practical, parents may encounter some of the following challenges: 

1. Self-Regulation: In order to practice gentle parenting, parents must be able to regulate their own emotions and respond to their child in a calm and supportive manner. This can be challenging for parents who have a hard time staying calm in challenging situations. 

2. Boundaries: A core component of gentle parenting is setting boundaries in an appropriate way. If a parent has trouble setting appropriate boundaries in their own lives, it may be even more challenging to set them in a healthy way for their child. 

3. Time: Gentle parenting requires a significant amount of time and patience. It involves taking the time to listen to your child, respond to their needs, and work with them to find solutions. This can be challenging for parents who are maxed out and are already having trouble juggling work, household chores and other responsibilities. 

If you are finding yourself having trouble parenting in the way you’d prefer it may be time to reach out for a therapist. Often when there is a gap between our ideal vision of ourselves as a parent and actual selves, we can experience anxiety, shame, or guilt. A trained therapist can help you understand your own challenges and roadblocks when it comes to parenting in the way you’d like to.  

No matter what parenting approach you choose, approaching your children from a place of empathy, respect, and compassion can be enough to build strong, loving relationships that allow them to thrive and grow.