As a parent, one of the most important things you’ll do is create a bond with your child. But have you ever wondered what makes a bond “secure” or how you can help ensure that your child develops a secure attachment? 

Enter attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s. The theory states that infants and young children have the capacity to form strong emotional bonds with their primary caregivers, usually their parents. Ideally, these bonds provide a sense of security and safety for the child and are essential for their emotional and social development. These early attachments form the child’s blueprint for how relationships with others should feel throughout their life. 

When a child feels safe, secure, and loved by their caregiver, they develop what is known as a “secure attachment.” This means that the child feels comfortable exploring their environment knowing that their caregiver is nearby and available to provide support and comfort when needed. The child grows up knowing there is someone to feed them when they’re hungry, protect them when they’re afraid, help them work through big feelings, give them attention when they feel alone, and love them for who they are. This blueprint of healthy attachment allows the child to grow into an adult who has a positive view of themself, has healthy relationships, is able to trust others, and is able to maintain balance in their emotional lives. 

On the other hand, when a child does not have a consistent and responsive caregiver, they may develop an “insecure attachment.” This can manifest in different ways, such as an anxious attachment, where the child is overly clingy and worried about being separated from their caregiver, or an avoidant attachment, where the child seems indifferent or detached from their caregiver. Children with insecure attachments tend to grow into adults who have more difficulty forming relationships, have trouble trusting their partners, do poorly academically, and have higher rates of depression and anxiety. 

It’s important to keep in mind that attachment styles can change over time, as children grow and develop. With the right support and guidance a child with an insecure attachment can learn to form healthy, secure relationships in the future. 

So what are some practical tips for new parents looking to build a strong attachment with their child?

1. Respond to your child’s needs in an appropriate and timely way. This means being attuned to their cues, such as crying or reaching out for comfort, and providing them with the care and support they need. 

2. Be consistent in your caregiving. Consistency in interactions with your child can provide a sense of predictability and stability, which can help them feel safe and secure. 

3. Show love and affection. Physical touch, such as cuddling and holding, as well as verbal communication, such as praising and expressing love, can help to strengthen the bond between parent and child. 

4. Encourage exploration and independence. While it’s important to provide a sense of safety and security, it’s also important to encourage your child to explore their environment and develop their independence. 

5. Seek out professional help if needed. If you are struggling to be present with your child, having difficulty responding in a consistent way, or if you have concerns about the attachment with your child, talking to a professional can be very useful. Becoming a parent can bring up a lot of emotions around our own childhoods, parents, how we were raised, and our own needs in the present day that can feel overwhelming at times.There are therapists who can help you process and clear away the cloud that may hover over the bond with your child. 

Attachment theory can be a complex concept, but by understanding the different attachment styles and the importance of consistency and responsiveness in caregiving, parents can better understand their child’s emotional needs and provide the support they need to develop into well-adjusted individuals.